I think I was surrounded by stress day by day
from the moment I learn to be independent, my soul was already filled with stress
everyone had certain pressure in their life
some bring good effects like giving motivation to achieve something
and some bring bad effects like committing suicide
Well me, I think it may be either one of the effects
because in my mind now,it was so unbalance
I started to lost my analys ability,failed to plan the next step for my tomorrow
The same questions will surrounded my head
"WHY?Why?WhY?" and "what is the solution to solve these whys?"
sometimes I may feel like wanna leave this world,escape those problems for a moment
I wasn't mean to give up my life to die
just I feel like wanna have a conversation with God sometimes
wanna ask God every details of everything that had happened on me
But this would only happen in the dream and yet I still haven't dream of God
then how ? I dunno
I just feel very dilemma sometimes
sometimes I can suddenly be emo , crying like wanna kill ppl in the room
or yelling like a mad woman while driving and even stop beside and hit everything in the car
Just because I can't find the solutions to solve all my problems
I've been thinking so positive for a long time
and things never turn good whereas it turns worst
so how long can I be positive thinking if there was nothing change to help me
Sometimes, I admit that I've been thinking to die
but that just never happen after I cry out loudly and bf beside me to comfort me
just glad that I still have my beloved bf
if he doesn't appear in my life,I think there was no motivation for me to live anymore
because I have nobody. Nobody always care me,and me myself also didn't care anybody
='(
Seriously, I hate my life now so damn much
my condition is about bankrupt
and what I mean bankrupt was really run out of money not only in me but my dad and also my bf
Sometimes I feel like wanna quit studies to work
therefore I got time to earn more money to lead my life instead of doing part time
earning a little to maintain or -ve expenditure
BUT think another way, I'm worth to have the certificate and I must have it
I cant give up either one of it ! ='(
So God,where is my angel ?
Am I going to bear this stress ? and until ? counted by days,months of years ?
I hope that I can dream of God tonight , and get all the answers
good night the cruel world
